Lazy Uni Student

I don't know how it is I do these things to myself. I'm a living conundrum I'm the guy that does the exact opposite of what I say. The worst thing is, I'm sincere in what I say. I mean, when I say it I believe in what I'm saying.

So what contradictory things am I saying? Well. Usual guy stuff really; "I think I need to find a girlfriend", "I need to stop hooking up with randoms at the pub","I should take university more seriously", "I should do that essay that's already two days overdue", and my favorite: "I should really try to get out of bed before 11am". I mean if I wanna be a functioning, contributing member of society, I'm gonna have to get out of bed by at least 8am.

Thing is, right, I go out on Sat nite. Good, I think, I'll mingle with the commoners. Maybe chat up a few ladies and if I'm lucky I'll charm some wonderful lady into giving me her phone number. Visions of snobby clubs with ladies in cocktail dresses making intelligent conversation about the latest in global politics and its effect on the world economy, laughing at jokes about the tennis, whilst swilling my gin martini and commenting on how the diamond necklace shes wearing complements her eyes. My James Bond like manner causing all the ladies in the room to wish they weren't married or engaged.

Cue the Outback. Shatter illusion. Hundreds of first/second year students all looking to score. Meat Market. Every town has one. Hamilton has three. The Outback, however, is lowest common denominator. So my expectations are very low. I do find some gold in the rubble though. One girl I know from Whakatane, and I liked her back there, she was always nice, nice smile etc. So I do the whole 'How do I know you' game. She's cool, we get on. I'm not sure what happened then, maybe I got bored or something. Next thing I know I'm in Monkeyfeather, and I meet another nice girl that I know from Uni. Cool. Shes just broken up with her boyfriend. Even better. We dance a bit, and then she takes me (or maybe I just tagged along) to the outback. Again. Start dancing again, but its like me and 4 guys I've never met and the girl from uni. I'm not good at math but I know when the odds aren't in my favor. Then next thing I remember, (This is the killer bit folks) I'm hooking up with the girl from the dairy down the road from where I live. How? Not sure. Regret? Oh yes.

The worst thing is, well actually there's multiple bad things about this, but the worst is that I can never go to that dairy again. Ever. Now consider that I do not own a car and that it's the closest dairy. My whole life is changed. I now have to make nice with a whole new dairy, get used to a different store layout, learn a new variation of the english language that the owner has declared all the staff use. Not only that but because I hooked up with Dairy Girl in full view of everyone at the outback I've at least ruined my chances with Uni girl and Whakatane Girl.

So the next morning I awake with a hangover. Considerable. But its not really dehydration. No. It's conscience.